THE WALL (24.01.08)

©ralbertalli Plusport in Saas Grund (VS) 2008

Swiss alps on sunny winter days are awesome! Boarding and supervising disabled youngsters is fun when you feel ok inside your own head. It reminds yourself that with your given potential you should definitely make more out of your days. On the other hand it shakes your priorities and you feel you should be happy with what you got here and now. Result: I'm unhappy with what I got and don't do more out of my days. I probably will regret one day all this precious time I m spending doing pretty nothing. But by now I leave inside a mental fog bubble. Can't really take serious all that's happening around me. I need action, I want to feel alive... I need more. I need a challenge. I need to go.  By now I should be pre
paring for shooting a festival on the Niger but it will not happen. All this illusions, this mental images you keep on building and, wich never seem to become reality. It hurts a bit somewhere. Instead it looks like the path of wedding photography is attracting me without any serious intention of mine. I m good in reportage photography so a wedding is a nice topic. Easy somehow. But if very soon I do not do something I can be sincerely proud of, something enflaming all my senses and passion, I will become a fat alcoholic wedding photographer (hehehehe). I m sorry if it sounds like suicide, don't pick up the phone for asking me if everything is ok 'cause: really, it is! I'm still standing. Still fighting. 
Still passionate and most of time smiling and making fun. I have this unfed hunger, this couriositiy, this will and strenght, fading 'cause of boredom... the will to do. I sometimes think that I don't know what I really want. That is wrong. I know exactly. By now I wanna be in Gaza. Pablo (infos) is there  and since too long I want to meet him in his "
milieu". I asked "him" but no photographer is needed. I could go on my own. I want to do that before the end of Pablos mission. It always seems like "today is the day" for beeing down there. I just feel that if I travel on my own I get really lost. Paying a fixer? How do I find one? How do I pay the guy? What happens? My whole body wants to be there... and my brain finds all sort of explanations for why I should not. Even my girlfriend wants me to go, else she probably knows that I soon will depress. That's just everything on my mind those days when I m not snowboarding (even then it's on my mind, to be sincere). I guess I would like to do a black and white negative work... stepping away from the speed of digital informations. Then having nice prints and only then thinking about agencies and publications and all that stuff. Yes. That's what I relly want. Si uniranno Batman e Spiderman nella lotta contro il male? To be continued...