HOT DAM' (31.07.07)

If you're not hearing from me it probably means I'm busy... And when that happens I'm usually happy.
I'm back in Ticino, film festival has not began yet but allready had some work and finished some other: a long wedding, a reportage for a swiss-german magazine after a night drinking (jeeez was that a horrible day, except for photography), another happy couple and some swiss francs for my next days. And I have some nice assignements waiting for me! It's so great having things to do! Today I received a call from one of the most important wach producers worldwide... a moment I was so much waiting for... they are somehow gonna test me with a portrait during the festival and that makes me feel under pressure. Really. You wait so long for a chance for showing what you got and when the moment arrives you s*it in your pants. I have some time for building up a bit more self confidence...I somewhen sweard that if this company ever asked me for collaboration I would pay myself toys for my Canon... It is not a long reportage so I can't invest a lot, but for shure a nice lense and a flash for the D5 would make it!!! I'm never gonna make it if I spend my money for working! But it's what makes me feel good! The agency in Lausanne seems happy with the teddy story and I hope somebody will publish. I will tell you about the God's Freak Show later and show the pics... It was pretty boring but very interesting. A good subject wich has to be developped more with some more time. Sorry if my english is even peggio del solito ma ho il cervello in pappa con sto caldo appiccicoso... ora devo darmi una mossa a spedire le foto, lavorate oggi in redazione per domattina! Amici ticinesi vediamo di vederci, il weekend son libero! ma non voglio piu tritarmi come i giorni scorsi, è l'unico mese dove in ticino si lavora bene... percui è proprio da idioti rovinarsi il presente cosi drasticamente! Ma mi farebbe piacere vedervi CIAO
And happy national day to all of you schweizer volk!!! Anyone seen the UDC (cdu) flyers? fucking racists! Hate them so much... Neo nazis will have a probelm substituting their swastika with the smiling sun on the logo! So uncool!!! (grrrrrrr)

CHECK LIST (24.07.07)

My girlfriend just cut my hair shorter with my gadget from the Mauerpark flea market (infos). 20 minutes of pure panic! "Is this thing gonna work?" I really needed a cut, I looked like one of those "teddys on tour" (infos)... and I can't show up at a wedding like that... but neither like a punk, in case of problems! But she did great and I'm ready for tonight... I take her out for eating since I'm shure the money from that last wedding is gonna flow in (the couple was SOOOO happy! they always are with my work, but I get stressed anyway until I know for shure). We're going out because it's a kind of last chance toghether in Berlin. Tomorrow I'll be gone for the Freakstock Festival (infos) reportage until thuesday evening. Just 24 hours of shootin: hard! I have to catch the last train bringing me back to Berlin, and that will be possible just if catch the right bus before. If not I'm deeply f... . Our plane takes off on friday morning and on saturday pretty early a.m I have this almost 12 hours wedding... So it's like domino. If I miss the Bus... the rest comes with! But no problem. Then once back in homeland Ticino I have one or two days of pure leisure and afterwards the Film Festival in Locarno (infos) starts. Aglaia, my girlfriend, has found a great job as barmaid, dishwasher and cooky (infos)... and she will make good money, for shure more than here in Berlin, whilst I'll be anxiously hoping for clients to call. I'm pretty shure I'm gonna have some work. BUT! I don't have a laptop and I don't have a CAR!!! so how the f... do I think sending the pictures in a fast way? I have to organize myself! And pretty soon. Anyway... we are going for an indian (infos) tonight also because we both will be staying at our parents home... so definitely it ain't the same! So now if I have to prepare my big bag for returning in Switzerland... Pray for me and my Jesus Freaks ;)

JUST DU DOUIT (21.07.07)

©Philippe Dudouit

Yesteray we (Aglaia and I) hung out with an iraqi artist, a friend of us, living also between our native Ticino and Berlin. He's older than we are, a real adult ;) , and has his place in the art business since years. He is an awesome talker. He is capable to talk and talk about any- ad everything, he promotes his work and himself constantly, he understud to find fundings, public or private ones, for financing his projects, he is natural born networker. He's got plenty of skills I ain't got , at all (i got probably some others, I'm not complaining). Promotion? PR? FINDING blingblings even before fisically starting to create your body of work? I don't have a clue!!!

Very interesting... And after some beers we decided officially to do a project on poverty in Switzerland. On a conceptual basis, artistic... for me always photographic. I wantede to work on this theme allready a couple of years ago. I'm in for the challenge of course, and let's see what will happen next. I'm courious. I hope beeing part of the fundrising level, for learning!
Today a good friend of mine called on my cell phone... MAN! he just came back from the north of Irak and did an awesomse reportage about the PKK's (Kurdish Workers' Party) (infos here and here) and I had a kind of admiring jealousy and a stupid frustration. I mean, in the end: I just should pay me a ticket to somewhere. This guy has my age, somehow we come from the same school and for shure we come from the same nation and situation: no miracles, just will to do. Then I took the shitty bike the neighbor lent us and went the whole afternoon up and down the streets carrying all our dirty clothes to the laundry. Now I look at all my black t-shirt drying in the appartement and wonder why the hell I sit here waiting for the miracle. And in the same time Berlin is nice in summer, the beer is tasty, kebab cheap, got a girlfriend, got a very little money to live ok for some months... Isn't there a thing missing? I should be able to fix some GOALS, clearly... put money aside for a project and fucking do it.
I was chatting with my chileno manflunflero friend and he invites me to go and see him, saying he's got plenty of projects for me. And soon I will meet again the journalist who created the peacechair project (infos) for Chechnya, he seemed intrested in my idea of a reportage with him down there. Let's see. Let's keep on waiting enjoying life as it comes?
By the way: I see so many red points appearing on the map, I can't figure out who's behind some of them! So please just leave a short hello message clicking on "commenti" at he end of this post! It would make me happy! Wh0's a la playa in Mexico? Is someone allready in Perpignan? And check out my friend's work here! (click on a pic for getting the whole story)

SHOW NO OPTIMISM (20.07.07)

I had this bike. Pretty oldschool styled, really rock an roll... black! with big tires. It was a pleasure rollin on it. My pride. The only object not related to photography i cared for.
And TODAY it's GONE. I'm so pissed off!!! really! You might be right telling me that it was just a bike and blablabla. But FUCK! And my girlfriend's bike also: gone. Stolen. Now I would like to mention the best curse I've ever heard... By Antonio Albanese!
Here as "commento" for those who understand Italian... Dedicated to those bastards who got my bike!!!
And by the way... my Feng Shui lesson number one: Tell nobody you're happy! Something wrong is gonna happen. Keep on the angry face and be happy inside, in case you happen to be.

MURPHYS LAW (20.07.07)

from "Batman The Movie - 1966"

Ma qualcuno sa perché non succede nulla per mesi e poi quando un amico vi affida il matrimonio di suo fratello e voi fissate la data, poco dopo scoprite l'esistenza di un festival rock di giovani cristiani supercattolici ma punk esattamente durante quei giorni? Ancora dopo vi contattano per un matrimonio (di cui avete momentaneamente estremamente bisogno) che si terra... ancora lo stesso giorno. E poi magari vi chiama un super settimanale di Zurigo per fare un bel lavoretto... alla stessa data ancora. Com'è che era quella storia di quel tale Murphy ?

FENG SHUI MACHT FREI (19.07.07)

I almost fell off my bike passing by the wall today! If we weren't talking about Batman in the comments to the "mauerpark" post I would never have seen him! Anyway I discovered an awesome photo store nex to Rosenthalerplatz. Incredible! (www.monochrom.com) And there I found the classy portfolio box I was so hardly looking for... Riding across town I took some pictures, as a tourist , of the TV tower mostly, of the wall (trying to conceptualize a story)... I had AC/DC's back in black running in my walkman (sorry: no i-pod), my 5 euro sunglasses on...my face pretty shaved and I felt in peace with the town. I felt accepted, like if staying the whole winter thriough freezing litteraly my balls made sense today. Berlin is really a great place to be in summer! WOW. It's been since long I didn't feel so good connecting to the real world. Great!

I'm pretty shure this blog is helping me feelin a bit less alone (I do great with my girlfriend, so I really don't have to cry too much), but sometimes it's also about knowing you're not completely isolated. I feel betther since a made peace with my buddy Thierry, and I finally am no more thinking about the gallerist who kicked us out of his place after not having sold a thing. You might be laughing, mostly because it's the big beardy bear telling you, but we did some feng shui changes in the appartement (and it's NOT my girlfriends idea - she's still laughing on me, but less and lesser). One palpable thing is that the money zone of the appartement was stuck with our stuff and since we cleaned up well.. some blocked money is finally flowing into my pockets! Think what you want... I don't mind. ;) Wanna hear even betther? Downloading some music I've found a guy telling bullshit on motivation. A HipHop Guru whatever I don't know what... I kept on listening for improving my english. And: this guy put some fire under my ass! Since then I've decided not going through town by U-Bahn (metro) but by bike and keep on looking at things! I keep on writing on this blog even if I feel I shouldn't (cause it's not "work"). I made peace with some of my buddies I treated bad, and I'm still trying to rebuild contacts with some of my lost contacts. I try to change my pessimistic attitude to a sanely agressive and positive one. That's why I now go to bed before midnight ;)
Let's see how long it's gonna last :))) hehehehe

STILL TEDDYS (19.07.07)

the wall ©reto

Sorry everyone! But I just can't finish the editing of this teddy story! Even my girlfriend was sitting in front of the screen with me, while moskitos kamikazing on, trying to figure out wich pictures are ok and wich shall be trashed. She gave up after burning them down from 99 to 66. Sometimes you shoot for days and got nothing to show. And here the story was so clear that in the end... I don't have a clue! I guess the subject was allready so fun that I somehow forgot to picture it in a funny way.

BUT: we are having a great conversation going on, on academic level, in "comments" about the MAUERPARK post . Really nice! And I do hope seeing some more red points lighting up on the world map here aside... I'm waiting for Chile, for Bamako... for Canada! I can't see if Lausanne is there... but I really hope so! Paris? And please leave comments! By the way... is some photographer (or else) between you going to Perpignan in september? Let's organize for a common ride! Let's share opinions and suggestions about our work! And Igor: we got tickets for the plane back, now... if you show up here in Berlin with your car, you might take some stuff for sleeping on the balcony! Joking, you still are welcome, everyone of you is... and... I almost forgot! The appartement in Berlin is empty (as long as Greg won't come back) (Greg? ...give me a sign!) and if you want to take a holyday in Beerlin during the month of august... tell me! (this one is serious)

sur l'objectivité de la photographie

cliquer dessus pour agrandir!

MAUERPARK 16.07.07

What a pleasure going to the flea (flee?) market up in Prenzlauerberg... today was my lucky day! After eating my traditional "Wurst und Pommes" I walked through this amazing place coming to life on each sunday... Well I found an electric haircutter for 5 euros, a great gift for my mom, cappuccino cups and... guess guess: a Beate Uhse video catalogue from the late 70's!!! Great! What we could laugh about it! :)))
The wedding is finished, ready to be posted....tomorrow I'll get the contact sheets and let's hope that I do betther shoots with a Hasselblad than shooting baskets. Tomorrow we'll play basketball again and...I got my accreditation for the Jesus Festival (!) COOL. So now I'll dirnk a beer and another day is gone...
And if you are old enough fot just laughing about it: here.

2.22 A.M (15.07.07)

I'm really tired. I spent almost the whole day in front of the screen editing a wedding and preparing each single file to make the best out of the choosen shot. As always! I sometimes think the client won't see a difference but in the end I believe that he sees a quality (probably thinks that if he could pay himself my camera he could do the same but whatever...) Even if some photographers consider weddings shit... I do my work as good as I can. It's a story to tell! And I can invest some money in personal projects.

I'm really happy because after hanging out on the sand beaches of Berlin for one hour or so, all along the wall (looking for ideas), some guys called me on my handy for a basketball game... I still got some skills but...hey...my breath and endurance are GONE! So young and so old!!! But it already feels good, some bad eneregy was sweat out and for shure I will fall asleep as soon as I touch my bed... let's hope playing again on monday! By the way I didn't get answers to my accreditation demand for the Jesus Festival. I hope not having to pay! I barely can afford all this costs... let's see!
Thanks to all of you guys letting a message as "commenti"! I really do appreciate a lot! And thanks for ordering my "me ne foto" t-shirts! To all of my shy friends: write a comment in your language (italian, french, german, mexican, iranian... whatever) and make me happy! I go to sleep now. Hope having more exciting news soon! Ciao
and PS thierry I think a lot abou tyour story! let's get for a beer as soon as you're back from where you are...

FRIDAY 13 (07.07)

©Xavier Voirol/Strates

Yesterday I went for (a) beer with the photographer Xavier Voirol (www.xaviervoirol.ch). We are part of the same agency, Strates, but we never really met. He spent 6 months in Berlin thanks to an Atelier program for artists and cultural critics. During this 6 months he worked on three (mainly two) projects. It really made me think. He is about 40 years old, 20 years as a photographer. Totally self-motivated, determinated and disciplined. All qualities that I miss so much! He told never touching his computer without getting shaved and clean before. You should see me right now! This guy walks around the whole day long shooting! Wow.
Then I received a mail from a young guy I met last summer. He wanted to become a photograper instead of the architect he was and asked ME how to make it . Well he is writing me that it is still hard in the beginning but he is making a living out of his stuff... The impression I have is that he is doing betther than me. I need to build up my WILL to do, right here, right now. So my dear readers: I got to go... taking a shower and finish editing the teddys! bye

TEDDY ENDING (10.07.07)

Today I finished the reportage on Teddy Tour. I didn't notice that they where taking pics of me (click here) !!! Funny! ...Man do I feel fat watching at those snapshots! I really should visit a fitness or start boxing again! (no comments on this please). I noticed some days ago that a famous ChARITy ASsociation didn't pay for a work I did one year ago (the error was also on my side, I'm NOT telling, at all, that they are unwilling to pay... they do great job!) and that I will soon get a whole lot of unexpected money! Great! I wrote the bill today! What a pleasure! And I also sent out the application for a press accreditation at the Christ thing Festival... let's hope.

TEDDY TOUR (09.07.07)

I spent the whole afternoon fallowing by bike these guys wich once in a while organize a so-called teddy tour. They don't make a living out of it but they have fun and earn some extra cash. You can send 'em your favorite pet and they will take him on a real tour from sightseeing to sightseeing in Berlin and catch pictures of them, as they were tourists. You might think that it's a stupid thing. We all can live with that. But I really think the reportage will sell on a magazine or another and I hope earning a bit money for paying the bills, the flat and the food. And I spent a great day with funny guys with a cool attitude. Send them your teddy! In the end all teddys have a huge party with beer and bio food! Rock&Roll! (maybe an idea for the Red Cross in Gaza?)
I will publish some pics as soon as they are ready :)
Today spending my time in the center I had some good insprirations for my project on the Wall! It's great not staying in front of the screen all day long.. even if I have a lot to do! Ciao

CHRIST KIDS (08.07.07)

Today I visited for the first time a Mass of a group called in a similar way as Christ Kids here in Berlin. An Idea for a new Story suggested by a photographer friend in Geneva knowing a girl working on this theme for her studies in anthropology. I think the story is pretty interesting and I wanted first to visit this kids, ask for permission and getting the feeling. The meeting for Mass was in a bar in center. I first thought beeing wrong seeing "normal" young guys preparing for a rock gig. But I was told the holy meeting was there. A few other people between 18 and 30 years walked in. A girl with long dreadlocks turned out to be the singer, and as the group began to play I was happy about the fast guitars on puck rock tempo...the girl act sexy and as I listen to words... well... prayers in mothern key came to my ears. People with no interst in punk sound were fallowing the beat headbanging fast and praying in trance... As a big guy with military pants and cherokee haircut began to speak about the bible while the music played softly on the rough instruments i suddenly became sentimental thinking on human struggle in a society where you are left on your own and no sane rituals nor beliefs exist. It is for shure not a bad thing believing in a Christ then completely self distructing yourself... I just can't believe those guys are against avortement and homosexuals and for shure they can't wait 'till marriage for sex. I will be at their festival on 26 and there I will start shooting.

Tomorrow I shoot the Teddy Tour Berlin! Shure it will be fun! Ciao