"Man hat so lange ein Motivationsproblem, 
bis man ein Zeitproblem hat."

TRUCK DRIVING PUNK (08.12.07)

©ralbertalli - Chiasso: trucks parking lot on the border to Italy

It get's harder finding rock song titles to my posts. No surfer punk is driving no truck, Renaud would have the perfect title ("P..ain de camion"): I was again fulminated ("Thunderstruck" ?) by a call from the truck driver accepting taking me with, for crossing Europe and do a reportage on him for my personal photo project. He was hijacked in Italy and has now to spend hes weekend on a parking lot in France because he's late. Last week he had mechanical problems, and so on... I have to wait. So I somehow spend my time waiting for something to shake my life positively. I need good news! I need to find a passionating story to tell, a photoproject to live and love... I think that you know when you are on the right track when all doors open easily and you have the feeling of "getting with the flow". I'm waiting for answers from so many different kinds of projects now... something must happen and it will be the right thing. I juste hope it will be soon. :)

PERSEVERANCE (27.11.07)

©retoalbertalli Berlin: Mauerpark, selling photos from the DDR era.

My dearest visitors. I'm sorry not giving you any news. As every year this period is without assignments. I have some goals set in my mind. There are answers I'm waiting for. I have dreams. I have visions. I even have some answers but I will nomore tell about until things are beeing done. It seems that beeing too positive on the outside brings bad luck. So...
But wish me all the best, pray for me or do whatever you think could make a difference.
I'm really thinking of shutting the blog down but the number of visits is still surprising, and I don't have a website. I hope that retangolo will become much more interesting very soon... that would mean that I am on an interesting reportage somewhere out there... Pray for me.
(I'm really doing very well... I'm full of positive power and trust! By "praying" I mean "wish me all the best" and it's related to my jesusrockers project... Have Fun too my friends!!!)

NOVEMBER RAIN (11.11.07)

©ralbertalli - Stones on the floor in Berlin where the wall stud, as memorial.

November rain in Berlin? Grey snow! It's 9.30 in the morning and it feels like 5 pm. Gosh.
I'm not having a look at my blog since a while now... By the fact that I receive alerts in my mailbox each time you leave a comment and because of the nuber 3000, wich represents the visits (NOT the page views... the VISITS! wow) reached today (let's party!), I was reminded that sometimes somebody takes a look at retangolo! I was really surprised as I realised that two friends of mine ;) passing by at the agency's party in Lausanne is somehow due to the blog also... Hmm I almost couldn't tell news about myself on my "short trip" through sweetserland 'cause everyone had an idea of my projects and worries, as everyone drops by here every now and then.
So now... This blogging thing isn't really useful to my photo projects... dangerous, as I was told, because I speak to much about my clients (?) and probably to self centered... And: it will not replace human discussions in front of a beer. The stupid thing to me is that you now find retangolo by googleing my name, and pretty on the top. Wich isn't giving a very professional image of me as a photographer. Maybe. And of course my english is pretty bad but the only way to keep in touch with everyone (italian, french, german or english speaking).
I'm now willing and motivated to DO. I want my attitude to be active and positive. I'm doing things I was thinking about since a long... I'm not exactly happy or proud but that's probably the best way to feel. It has to be strictly normal... one step behind the other... bam, bam, bam, ... The wall project, the jesus project, the trucks project... my own health project :)... inventing projects... No more sprints! Just one way of beeing. Constantly and efficiently but normally active. I think the gratest metamorphosis I went through is taking the complete responsability for where I stand and what I am. So not only no more anger due to others but also no expectations anymore. No agency will find a job or money for me. And if they don't sell my stories it' because I don't give them good stories. E basta. I'm no more expecting to find motivation in a group of friends or collegues (see Meta or else). Motivation has to be there, inside. Audiobooks can help a bit or a good metal-core or trash-metal sound blasting your ears if you have a same activation level as mine :))) So dearest friends... in the end that's the way it is. This blog is about me because that's what a blog is about, I'm sorry if too selfcentered. Probably I should get myself a web page for my pics and that's it. No more blshit but just facts an results! Yeah no doubts!!! Yeah big scary tattoos on a worked out body!!! Color pics of smiling silicone dolls!!! Who wants doubts??? (food enough for comments?) ;)

photo-diary of my tour-de-suisse (HERE)

COME OUT AND PLAY (23.10.07)

in the photo: JeusFriends rok-praying around covered billiard table ©ralbertalli

I spend most of my hours photoshopping a wedding, I want it to be done by after tomorrow... because then I will leave to Geneva.
There I will stay at Julien's place. Finally I'll get the chance to see the exhibition of his wonderful work on ambulances (Julien Gregorio " CARDIO! " site Cluse-Roseraie, rue-du-Crest 24, 1205 Genève). So as Christian Lutz's " Protokoll " (infos HERE).
On saturday we'll have a huge one-day-reunion at Strates agency in Lausanne and I guess a party in the evening. On sunday I'll see my buddies Thierry and Jenny after almost one year! Elia? Will be great... Then... I decided to dedicate one complete week in Ticino for starting a project wich is on my mind since years now. I'm really trying to work on my mental those days. I have to change some habits wich are really blocking me... I am a positive person, I believe in myself... but I suffer of a total lack of autodiscipline! I have to find a way to get things done NOW. I always think I have to wait for a cosmic inspiration... I find excuses and get myself occupied with bootless stuff (on the computer most of time)...
So I try to work a bit on that... the ten days of masterclass somehow inspired me. If somebody sends me out I will do whatever necessary to bring good work home. But that doesn't happen in life normally. Not in my job. If somebody asks you to do something it will mostly be somethng you dislike. You guys will probably laugh but I came to the point of downloading an umbelievable amount of crappy self-aid audiobooks with exhilarant titles as "ways to succes" "believe and achive" or "I can sell snow to eskimos" (GOSH!!!)... It's really terrible and it gets you an insight view of how the well dressed SUV driving superior race thinks and acts! It's about the american way and big egos. But I let them play while photoshopping. I guess I need advices, really, and I stand alone... in the worst case it will have been exercice for my english. I sometimes tell my girfriend about and we laugh loudly, but now and then a good trick seems to appeal to my brain and I write down a note. I don't know but today I finally brought the bottle of whine from Piemonte to the editor of this huge international magazine wich helped me soooo much with my portfolio editing, I walked along the traces of the wall for thoughts, I shot some pics, I bought myself folders and paper stuff, a new agenda and finally went to the fitness club for infos about prices. Now I take time writing on the blog because I really believe it's important... I think that it's important writig about doubts and not only success. I take the time doing it and then: BASTA... I will NOT come back on it fifty times for checking the visits... until maybe next week. That's the way it has to be. I don't want my life to be changed (no need of becoming idiot) . I just want to be more efficient. That's it. I don't think audiobooks will help any of us doing betther... But to modern life problems (sitting whole day long in front of a screen) I think I must admit to need modern life solutions such as f**king fitness clubs or internet coaches... It's a bit sad probably. So I now really want to spend more time on the outside. Walking and shooting. Bring my fat ass on the outside and just have fun with my camera.

If somebody is interestes in the audiobook thing I should probably recommend Russell Simmon's "Do You!" (google it), he's a kind of guru in the hip hop industry, he struggled up from nothing to the top, and it's not just the banking manager's positive thinking while driving in his mercedes... Not all he says makes sense to me... but some advices stimulate creativity in my brain. So...

some short news (here)

DO OR DIE (12.10.07)

Siddharth (images HERE), the indian participant of the masterclass in Piemonte (images HERE and HERE), just left Berlin after a couple of days of drinks and discussions about what we learned during the last days. Same discussions I had also with Igor in Lugano and then again with Giovanni here yesterday. It's about passion, dreams and goals... it's often about getting serious, now. We can have thoughts about going to crisis zones, about sacrifices to do for doing photojournalism or photoreportage on a high level... Well in the end it all comes down to the same conclusion: start doing something and step by step you'll soon be somewhere without knowing how you got there. In my case it's really about DOING. I see now clearly that it's not enough having the talent of looking through your rectangle. Images might look great but it's about storytelling. It's a lot about editing (choosing pictures among your contact sheets). And it's about personal vision.
But unless you are not outside walking through rain or sand or cold with your camera it's no use having great theories. So again in my case it's about getting outside and getting things simply done. Done the way I feel it, the way I want it... so probably black and white even if no magazine is gonna publish, probably blured the way I like it even if no magazine is gonna publish... and probably I should really do more weddings and less magazines because it get's me confused... And in the end the big magazines will probably publish my work and money will flow in as well, if I keep it sincere. Now I am in Berlin, and I have a couple of ideas of subjects and I just should go for it, in my way. I know myself... I'm lazy. But if I don't do things now, I never will and then I really will have to deal with frustration.
I'm a bit confused after this masterclass... I know now that I have to focus on what I really want to do.

My work on nightlife in Monferrato (HERE)

ASTI (26.09.07)

I m sitting in an internet cafe in Asti. It s 21.15. I got the assignement "night life" in Monferrato. Yesterdaz night I walked around until one in the morning and had a couple of good pics but as zou can imagine here at night it's dead. And probably you can imagine that we got that theme exactly for this reason. I saz we... there is a girl also on that topic. I must admit that it is a bit frustrating cause she access to almost everzwhere with her big smile and probablz i have underestimated the situation a bit. By the fact that she hadn't a very good feed back during the poretfolio review she s totalley motivated... My situation is alwys the same. They tell me I can shoot, that I m NOT enough patient and I feell that i reallz dont know where to go. I see this war photographers, nice guys, hard guys... they have what we call success... but do they live a successfull life? No home, no warmth... just nightmares where the corps they ve seen look at them... they have lived more horror and desperation that their cameras could fix. Is it what I m looking for? Why do I admire them? why does their work appeals so much to me? They say: move, travel, go and see the world... leave the confort and do your job. Stop doing colored magazine. Do what you feel. Stop thinking that the photographers go to crisis zones for winning award ore theyr ego. They the world to know. And they are excellent storztellers. If zou are not nobodz will listen. Hmmmmm... As Stanlez would say with hes american accent: voilà (ooalaa) food for thoughts. And what thoughts. Ok now I have to show that I can stay up until seven. I will do a great job. I have an appointement at a night club, I got permission taking pictures inside... you imagine? Permissions I didnt get cause I thought it was impossible.... I got bz walking in last night with my army shoos, my leather jacket, my uncut beard and the camera hanging on my shoulder... in the middle of rich clients and awesome russian beauties I think I was the one to picture in that moment. Haha! So: wish me good luck for this cold and rainz night... and if zou got ideas of topics into night life.... write it in comments down HERE

ACE OF SPADES (17.09.07)

Informations about the workshop I was selected for (HERE)
My very good friend Julien Gregorio is visiting me here in Berlin with his 4 months old son and his girlfriend. It's about drinking and talking photography, about his newborn hero, about life going on and energy for new projects. It's a moment full of happiness this days here in Berlin. he sun is shining as if it was summer, we hang around and let life be and things seem to happen.
A couple of young "Christ Rockers" (I change the name here for several reasons) finally invitated me for doing the pictures at their wedding. It was really great. They were dressed classic, the bride in white, he in black, out in the german nature, big grey clouds and the sun shining through... and a punk-rock band playing meanwhile!!! beautiful!
In the evening coming home late I found the e-mail telling me that I was chosen for the workshop among a lot of young talented photographers. I was on a waiting list and one selected person couldn't participate so I got his place. Just awesome. It will be so great!!! Stanley Greene (infos) will coach us with Kadir van Lohuizen (infos) and some editors, journalists and "who knows" will drop by... and this in Piemonte. It'a dream. Really so great. I'm so happy and it means so much to me. And I have to thank so many people for this (I will, privately). WOW.
Then an association saw some pictures of mine in a magazine and want me to do similar ones for them. It's just what you dream hearing one day! And perfectly when coming back from Piemonte I probably have a wedding near by my parents place. So I'll make some money for my living and my projects. What a week!!! Only last week I was depressed hanging around in front of my computer while the sky was grey. Thanks for keeping on reading and leaving comments! The batman movie isn't serious photographer's work and I hope that some of my clients and friends reading will not judge me for this. That's also photographer's life!!! ;) CIAO

STRAFELICE (16.09.07)

caro,
ho buone notizie. Uno dei prescelti per l partecipazione alla
Masterclass, è impossibilitato a partecipare, e quindi si è aperta la
disponibilità di un posto.
Sei ancora interesatoa apertecipare? 23 sett/3 ott
Fammi sapere al più presto, in caso afermativo possiamo metterci
d'accordo per i dettagli.
Aspetto notizie,
grazie
Director
Focus on Monferrato Masterclass

This mail I received yesterday really made me sooo happy! :))) I was choosen among a lot of young agency-photographers to be part of an awesome workshop in Piemonte, starting in just one week. I was on the waiting list until now... maybe some of you remember the first mail... if not click (here). It's soooo great!!! Yuhuuuuuu!!!

video
Misfit: (dall'inglese) Disadattato, Pesce fuor d'acqua... Spostato!

RESILIENZA (31.08.07)

Sfogliando qua e là... (copiato/incollato)
Cosa significa Resilienza? Questa parola non é molto conosciuta perció conviene andare a consultare il vocabolario

Se consideriamo questo concetto in rapporto alle Scienze Sociali, possiamo dire che “la resilienza corrisponderebbe alla capacitá umana di affrontare le avversitá della vita, superarle e uscirne rinforzato o, addirittura, trasformato” (Grotberg, 1996).

La resilienza é piú della semplice capacitá di resistere alla distruzione proteggendo il proprio io da circonstanze difficili, é pure la possibilitá di reagire positivamente a scapito delle difficoltá e la voglia di costruire utilizzando la forza interiore propria degli essere umani. Non é solo sopravvivere a tutti i costi, ma é avere la capacitá di usare l´ esperienza nata da situazioni difficili per costruire il futuro.

Sono sempre particolarmente contento quando vado a cercare il significato di quelle parole che nel testo sorvolo perché ho capito l'insieme del messaggio. E poi scopro che in realtà ho capito la metà :)

KAUF DIE BILD NICHT, KURT (29.08.07)

click (HERE) to see what they did with my 200 pics sent urgently until 5.40 a.m saturday night. (the whole story again HERE)

BEOBACHTER (27.07.08)

My mom sent me this publication. Pictures made during my stay in Ticino. The night passed at Paradiso Notte with Greg and Nana... and the rest: or you did read it before I cancelled it or you can imagine it. I have only one thing to remember: the smell of acid vinegar.



click (HERE) to see some "behind the scene" shots of my minitrip
if you want - I know it's not that interesting
but a good souvenir to me

ULRICHEN (26.08.07)

"Mindsensor", illustration by Kurt Wunderlich

01.28 a.m. I m sitting at the reception of the Landhaus Hotel in Münster. My beautiful black macbook is my only companion. But let s tell things from the beginning... while 210 images (3 MB each) are beeing uploaded to Hamburg...
As I arrived at Zurich airport I got a call from the journalist: his plane was late...two hours and a half too late!!! The clerks of Citiy Disc Airport must hate me: I listened to discs during the whole time and bought nothing at all (by the way Entombed s new album isn t really great). As the plane landed the bags took 30 minutes waiting more. Then we rented a car, took a drive inside zurich s evening traffic jam, then completely get lost on highways so that we missed the last "fair-train" through the Furka Pass and finally the gps (yes we had a gps and we got lost) went crazy because of the straight turns up in the mountains and we serioulsy thought we were totally lost in the darkness of the Swiss Alps. As Ulrichen appeared the village turned out to be nothing else than the first village you cross coming down from the Nüfenen Pass (Ticinesi for shure see)...
As we went for a beer we found the president of the FIFA heavy partying with friends of the club... we where invited and that helped us a lot today. We woke up early... I really don t giveadam about soccer but as I guess seeing the excitement of the journalist seeing guys like Platini, Beckenbauer and Blatter toghether is something special... and by the fact that I dontgivadam they all are all very cool to me... I also met some very cool photographers up here, excellent professionals and nice persons... One even is here for GEO schweiz! But: what a stress, what a hurry... the next friend asking me if photographing is really a profession will come with me just for getting the idea! And in the evening we discovered that the hotel has got NO adsl internet connection for customers!!! But the chief here is really great and I m now sitting at his desk, as I said, at the reception, wich could be very funny if I wasn t that tired and hungry. No need telling what it took to make the connection work... No need telling how long I have to wait here... And no need telling you on what time we got up tomorrow. My plane leaves at 19 pm. It s gonna be stressy til the end... but then I ll make a bit of nothing in berlin again... See you there!!!
By the way I feel by now exactly as standind guard during the army :/

FIRST FOREIGN ASSIGNMENT (22.08.07)

For the first time in my life (career?) I will get payed for taking a plane and go to a foreign country for a three day long reportage. And the contry is: Switzerland! Hahaha! I can't believe it. But it's cool anyway! It's a sport magazine from Hamburg (pretty known even), not really the highest level concerning photography but I'm happy! Three days fallowing an important sportsman (the probably most important guy in soccer now) in the canton of Vallis!!! Car, Hotel, Food payed... and a good pay-off too. And on saturday some other two awesome names from the sport's world will play golf with "my man". A very exclusive story, a lot of pictures on many pages. The big shot! WOW.
Some things must be said also. The bigger Jesus Freaks event in Berlin, on wich I'm working (see some past posts here on my blog), is exactly this weekend. And... Aglaia just landed in Berlin some hours ago and I'll be gone tomorrow or after... But she's cool: doesn't have that "looking up at me with those old puppy dog eyes" by saying it's ok do what you have to do... she smiles and is happy for me. And I think it's great!
AND... the images have to be sent from this village up in the mountains and I DON'T HAVE A LAPTOP. So tomorrow I'll do a thing I should have done before... I invest the whole money I will gain from this trip in a macbook (the black one: gorgeous!). Well for that decision Aglaia laughed a bit less... I'm pretty happy today! GREAT :))) and the sun is shinig as it were summer again im Himmel über Berlin.

TOO LATE, TOO LATE (21.08.07)

"Picibanana" ©Igor Ponti

Try to wake up 7.30 each morning now. 8.30 rings the phone. "Guten morgen! hier ist TNT!" a sweet woman's voice. "Sie haben gestern doch eine Lieferung aufgegeben nach Genf"... "Jaaaaaa..?".
My CD is stuck at the custom. I have to write down a fake invoice of ONE euro and an orange guy will drive his orange delivery pick-up here for getting it. I called the client but it seemed to me that they have bigger problems that my undelivered portraits. It's raining outside and our kitchen is invaded by little flying beasts. I hate them. Good Morning Berlin! Where's my coffee mug?

IMPORTANT PEOPLE (06.08.09)

Woke up early this morning, took the train to lugano, there changed into cisalpino where I met the journalist. We arrived in Milan a couple of hours later, had fight with tourists, took first class tickets, catched another train to verona. For meeting an important man. 3 pages of portrait, three big photo portraits on a main swiss sunday paper! Emotion!!! Then the phone rang, the journalist kept watching at me listening... "We go back home!" he says to me, "HE refuses to do the interview". I bought a sandwich and mineral water at Porta Nuova station, a ticket back home. At five p.m I was sitting in front of my parent's tv. Do I get payed for this? Dindn't even see Verona nor Milan. I think they will pay.

Gringo Home (05.08.07)

While jumping from stone to stone, illustrating the lack of water in Valle Maggia I received a surprising call from a great friend of mine working in Gaza for those guys wich logo has a cross, somehow red, what a pleasure hearing from his war injuries (fallig off his chair, badly hurt in his office, dangerous place!). What a great pleasure!!! I really did appreciate! :))) www.pablomondo.blogspot.com
By the way he made me some hope, telling they changed someone at the press office (don't know what) and that he would try to make us a common beer possible down there. And I start daydreaming like a kid! Exactly like as a journalist had positive feedbacks on my proposal going to Chechnia, but then told me being a teacher occasionally writing, with no money (me neither of course) and no energy... started talking about armed guards, translaters, drivers... wha all that would cost... I always do daydream even do I know that it s pretty impossible. But let's never get up dreaming of doing something intelligent out of my photography! Like working for humanitarians, travel, help foudrising... whatever. Drying rivers are cool and you get payed (a bit) for shooting them on a sunny day but hmmm... I need some more sometimes.
Then tonight I could have gone back to locarno on saturday night but preferred staying in Chiasso drinking Guinness and watching some gays...oups guys (sooory) having a fight (fight? fat guy's slow motion floor cleaning!!!). Tomorrow day off, hope seeing Aglaia!
ps the title: gringo... green go... green go home (greens are americans for south americans). Gringo is how we call our Pub in Chiasso. See you there!

de PRESS (04.08.07)

It's a nice moment for me... I'm working almost everyday... even for tomorrow an unexpected assignement flew in! Feng Shui? But not for the film festival. I have to illustrate the fact that our river fiume maggia is pretty dry! didn't even know! Anyway today I saw his majesty Anthony (f.f.f.f.f.) Hopkins. Unfortunately we were MILLIONS of photographers in our stroboscopic pogo (flashes and kicks) trying to get a well exposed and correctly framed photo of his face (no use speaking of portrait in this kind of case). It's real PRESS work. Acting like butchers wasn't Anthony's work today! But anyway interesting of course!
It's nice to see my ex-collegues from Ti-Press, hanging round with Igor and even the others... The weather is perfect. I just am not seeing my girlfriend this days, working at bar Paravento in Locarno... she works during the night, begins when I'm driving home with the rented Smart (ticino and no car? forget it!)... We will survive :) saluti

HOT DAM' (31.07.07)

If you're not hearing from me it probably means I'm busy... And when that happens I'm usually happy.
I'm back in Ticino, film festival has not began yet but allready had some work and finished some other: a long wedding, a reportage for a swiss-german magazine after a night drinking (jeeez was that a horrible day, except for photography), another happy couple and some swiss francs for my next days. And I have some nice assignements waiting for me! It's so great having things to do! Today I received a call from one of the most important wach producers worldwide... a moment I was so much waiting for... they are somehow gonna test me with a portrait during the festival and that makes me feel under pressure. Really. You wait so long for a chance for showing what you got and when the moment arrives you s*it in your pants. I have some time for building up a bit more self confidence...I somewhen sweard that if this company ever asked me for collaboration I would pay myself toys for my Canon... It is not a long reportage so I can't invest a lot, but for shure a nice lense and a flash for the D5 would make it!!! I'm never gonna make it if I spend my money for working! But it's what makes me feel good! The agency in Lausanne seems happy with the teddy story and I hope somebody will publish. I will tell you about the God's Freak Show later and show the pics... It was pretty boring but very interesting. A good subject wich has to be developped more with some more time. Sorry if my english is even peggio del solito ma ho il cervello in pappa con sto caldo appiccicoso... ora devo darmi una mossa a spedire le foto, lavorate oggi in redazione per domattina! Amici ticinesi vediamo di vederci, il weekend son libero! ma non voglio piu tritarmi come i giorni scorsi, è l'unico mese dove in ticino si lavora bene... percui è proprio da idioti rovinarsi il presente cosi drasticamente! Ma mi farebbe piacere vedervi CIAO
And happy national day to all of you schweizer volk!!! Anyone seen the UDC (cdu) flyers? fucking racists! Hate them so much... Neo nazis will have a probelm substituting their swastika with the smiling sun on the logo! So uncool!!! (grrrrrrr)

CHECK LIST (24.07.07)

My girlfriend just cut my hair shorter with my gadget from the Mauerpark flea market (infos). 20 minutes of pure panic! "Is this thing gonna work?" I really needed a cut, I looked like one of those "teddys on tour" (infos)... and I can't show up at a wedding like that... but neither like a punk, in case of problems! But she did great and I'm ready for tonight... I take her out for eating since I'm shure the money from that last wedding is gonna flow in (the couple was SOOOO happy! they always are with my work, but I get stressed anyway until I know for shure). We're going out because it's a kind of last chance toghether in Berlin. Tomorrow I'll be gone for the Freakstock Festival (infos) reportage until thuesday evening. Just 24 hours of shootin: hard! I have to catch the last train bringing me back to Berlin, and that will be possible just if catch the right bus before. If not I'm deeply f... . Our plane takes off on friday morning and on saturday pretty early a.m I have this almost 12 hours wedding... So it's like domino. If I miss the Bus... the rest comes with! But no problem. Then once back in homeland Ticino I have one or two days of pure leisure and afterwards the Film Festival in Locarno (infos) starts. Aglaia, my girlfriend, has found a great job as barmaid, dishwasher and cooky (infos)... and she will make good money, for shure more than here in Berlin, whilst I'll be anxiously hoping for clients to call. I'm pretty shure I'm gonna have some work. BUT! I don't have a laptop and I don't have a CAR!!! so how the f... do I think sending the pictures in a fast way? I have to organize myself! And pretty soon. Anyway... we are going for an indian (infos) tonight also because we both will be staying at our parents home... so definitely it ain't the same! So now if I have to prepare my big bag for returning in Switzerland... Pray for me and my Jesus Freaks ;)

JUST DU DOUIT (21.07.07)

©Philippe Dudouit

Yesteray we (Aglaia and I) hung out with an iraqi artist, a friend of us, living also between our native Ticino and Berlin. He's older than we are, a real adult ;) , and has his place in the art business since years. He is an awesome talker. He is capable to talk and talk about any- ad everything, he promotes his work and himself constantly, he understud to find fundings, public or private ones, for financing his projects, he is natural born networker. He's got plenty of skills I ain't got , at all (i got probably some others, I'm not complaining). Promotion? PR? FINDING blingblings even before fisically starting to create your body of work? I don't have a clue!!!
Very interesting... And after some beers we decided officially to do a project on poverty in Switzerland. On a conceptual basis, artistic... for me always photographic. I wantede to work on this theme allready a couple of years ago. I'm in for the challenge of course, and let's see what will happen next. I'm courious. I hope beeing part of the fundrising level, for learning!
Today a good friend of mine called on my cell phone... MAN! he just came back from the north of Irak and did an awesomse reportage about the PKK's (Kurdish Workers' Party) (infos here and here) and I had a kind of admiring jealousy and a stupid frustration. I mean, in the end: I just should pay me a ticket to somewhere. This guy has my age, somehow we come from the same school and for shure we come from the same nation and situation: no miracles, just will to do. Then I took the shitty bike the neighbor lent us and went the whole afternoon up and down the streets carrying all our dirty clothes to the laundry. Now I look at all my black t-shirt drying in the appartement and wonder why the hell I sit here waiting for the miracle. And in the same time Berlin is nice in summer, the beer is tasty, kebab cheap, got a girlfriend, got a very little money to live ok for some months... Isn't there a thing missing? I should be able to fix some GOALS, clearly... put money aside for a project and fucking do it.
I was chatting with my chileno manflunflero friend and he invites me to go and see him, saying he's got plenty of projects for me. And soon I will meet again the journalist who created the peacechair project (infos) for Chechnya, he seemed intrested in my idea of a reportage with him down there. Let's see. Let's keep on waiting enjoying life as it comes?
By the way: I see so many red points appearing on the map, I can't figure out who's behind some of them! So please just leave a short hello message clicking on "commenti" at he end of this post! It would make me happy! Wh0's a la playa in Mexico? Is someone allready in Perpignan? And check out my friend's work here! (click on a pic for getting the whole story)

SHOW NO OPTIMISM (20.07.07)

I had this bike. Pretty oldschool styled, really rock an roll... black! with big tires. It was a pleasure rollin on it. My pride. The only object not related to photography i cared for.
And TODAY it's GONE. I'm so pissed off!!! really! You might be right telling me that it was just a bike and blablabla. But FUCK! And my girlfriend's bike also: gone. Stolen. Now I would like to mention the best curse I've ever heard... By Antonio Albanese!
Here as "commento" for those who understand Italian... Dedicated to those bastards who got my bike!!!
And by the way... my Feng Shui lesson number one: Tell nobody you're happy! Something wrong is gonna happen. Keep on the angry face and be happy inside, in case you happen to be.

MURPHYS LAW (20.07.07)

from "Batman The Movie - 1966"
Ma qualcuno sa perché non succede nulla per mesi e poi quando un amico vi affida il matrimonio di suo fratello e voi fissate la data, poco dopo scoprite l'esistenza di un festival rock di giovani cristiani supercattolici ma punk esattamente durante quei giorni? Ancora dopo vi contattano per un matrimonio (di cui avete momentaneamente estremamente bisogno) che si terra... ancora lo stesso giorno. E poi magari vi chiama un super settimanale di Zurigo per fare un bel lavoretto... alla stessa data ancora. Com'è che era quella storia di quel tale Murphy ?

FENG SHUI MACHT FREI (19.07.07)

I almost fell off my bike passing by the wall today! If we weren't talking about Batman in the comments to the "mauerpark" post I would never have seen him! Anyway I discovered an awesome photo store nex to Rosenthalerplatz. Incredible! (www.monochrom.com) And there I found the classy portfolio box I was so hardly looking for... Riding across town I took some pictures, as a tourist , of the TV tower mostly, of the wall (trying to conceptualize a story)... I had AC/DC's back in black running in my walkman (sorry: no i-pod), my 5 euro sunglasses on...my face pretty shaved and I felt in peace with the town. I felt accepted, like if staying the whole winter thriough freezing litteraly my balls made sense today. Berlin is really a great place to be in summer! WOW. It's been since long I didn't feel so good connecting to the real world. Great!
I'm pretty shure this blog is helping me feelin a bit less alone (I do great with my girlfriend, so I really don't have to cry too much), but sometimes it's also about knowing you're not completely isolated. I feel betther since a made peace with my buddy Thierry, and I finally am no more thinking about the gallerist who kicked us out of his place after not having sold a thing. You might be laughing, mostly because it's the big beardy bear telling you, but we did some feng shui changes in the appartement (and it's NOT my girlfriends idea - she's still laughing on me, but less and lesser). One palpable thing is that the money zone of the appartement was stuck with our stuff and since we cleaned up well.. some blocked money is finally flowing into my pockets! Think what you want... I don't mind. ;) Wanna hear even betther? Downloading some music I've found a guy telling bullshit on motivation. A HipHop Guru whatever I don't know what... I kept on listening for improving my english. And: this guy put some fire under my ass! Since then I've decided not going through town by U-Bahn (metro) but by bike and keep on looking at things! I keep on writing on this blog even if I feel I shouldn't (cause it's not "work"). I made peace with some of my buddies I treated bad, and I'm still trying to rebuild contacts with some of my lost contacts. I try to change my pessimistic attitude to a sanely agressive and positive one. That's why I now go to bed before midnight ;)
Let's see how long it's gonna last :))) hehehehe

STILL TEDDYS (19.07.07)


the wall ©reto

Sorry everyone! But I just can't finish the editing of this teddy story! Even my girlfriend was sitting in front of the screen with me, while moskitos kamikazing on, trying to figure out wich pictures are ok and wich shall be trashed. She gave up after burning them down from 99 to 66. Sometimes you shoot for days and got nothing to show. And here the story was so clear that in the end... I don't have a clue! I guess the subject was allready so fun that I somehow forgot to picture it in a funny way.
BUT: we are having a great conversation going on, on academic level, in "comments" about the MAUERPARK post . Really nice! And I do hope seeing some more red points lighting up on the world map here aside... I'm waiting for Chile, for Bamako... for Canada! I can't see if Lausanne is there... but I really hope so! Paris? And please leave comments! By the way... is some photographer (or else) between you going to Perpignan in september? Let's organize for a common ride! Let's share opinions and suggestions about our work! And Igor: we got tickets for the plane back, now... if you show up here in Berlin with your car, you might take some stuff for sleeping on the balcony! Joking, you still are welcome, everyone of you is... and... I almost forgot! The appartement in Berlin is empty (as long as Greg won't come back) (Greg? ...give me a sign!) and if you want to take a holyday in Beerlin during the month of august... tell me! (this one is serious)

MAUERPARK 16.07.07


What a pleasure going to the flea (flee?) market up in Prenzlauerberg... today was my lucky day! After eating my traditional "Wurst und Pommes" I walked through this amazing place coming to life on each sunday... Well I found an electric haircutter for 5 euros, a great gift for my mom, cappuccino cups and... guess guess: a Beate Uhse video catalogue from the late 70's!!! Great! What we could laugh about it! :)))
The wedding is finished, ready to be posted....tomorrow I'll get the contact sheets and let's hope that I do betther shoots with a Hasselblad than shooting baskets. Tomorrow we'll play basketball again and...I got my accreditation for the Jesus Festival (!) COOL. So now I'll dirnk a beer and another day is gone...
And if you are old enough fot just laughing about it: here.

2.22 A.M (15.07.07)

I'm really tired. I spent almost the whole day in front of the screen editing a wedding and preparing each single file to make the best out of the choosen shot. As always! I sometimes think the client won't see a difference but in the end I believe that he sees a quality (probably thinks that if he could pay himself my camera he could do the same but whatever...) Even if some photographers consider weddings shit... I do my work as good as I can. It's a story to tell! And I can invest some money in personal projects.
I'm really happy because after hanging out on the sand beaches of Berlin for one hour or so, all along the wall (looking for ideas), some guys called me on my handy for a basketball game... I still got some skills but...hey...my breath and endurance are GONE! So young and so old!!! But it already feels good, some bad eneregy was sweat out and for shure I will fall asleep as soon as I touch my bed... let's hope playing again on monday! By the way I didn't get answers to my accreditation demand for the Jesus Festival. I hope not having to pay! I barely can afford all this costs... let's see!
Thanks to all of you guys letting a message as "commenti"! I really do appreciate a lot! And thanks for ordering my "me ne foto" t-shirts! To all of my shy friends: write a comment in your language (italian, french, german, mexican, iranian... whatever) and make me happy! I go to sleep now. Hope having more exciting news soon! Ciao
and PS thierry I think a lot abou tyour story! let's get for a beer as soon as you're back from where you are...

FRIDAY 13 (07.07)

©Xavier Voirol/Strates

Yesterday I went for (a) beer with the photographer Xavier Voirol (www.xaviervoirol.ch). We are part of the same agency, Strates, but we never really met. He spent 6 months in Berlin thanks to an Atelier program for artists and cultural critics. During this 6 months he worked on three (mainly two) projects. It really made me think. He is about 40 years old, 20 years as a photographer. Totally self-motivated, determinated and disciplined. All qualities that I miss so much! He told never touching his computer without getting shaved and clean before. You should see me right now! This guy walks around the whole day long shooting! Wow.
Then I received a mail from a young guy I met last summer. He wanted to become a photograper instead of the architect he was and asked ME how to make it . Well he is writing me that it is still hard in the beginning but he is making a living out of his stuff... The impression I have is that he is doing betther than me. I need to build up my WILL to do, right here, right now. So my dear readers: I got to go... taking a shower and finish editing the teddys! bye

TEDDY ENDING (10.07.07)

Today I finished the reportage on Teddy Tour. I didn't notice that they where taking pics of me (click here) !!! Funny! ...Man do I feel fat watching at those snapshots! I really should visit a fitness or start boxing again! (no comments on this please). I noticed some days ago that a famous ChARITy ASsociation didn't pay for a work I did one year ago (the error was also on my side, I'm NOT telling, at all, that they are unwilling to pay... they do great job!) and that I will soon get a whole lot of unexpected money! Great! I wrote the bill today! What a pleasure! And I also sent out the application for a press accreditation at the Christ thing Festival... let's hope.

TEDDY TOUR (09.07.07)

I spent the whole afternoon fallowing by bike these guys wich once in a while organize a so-called teddy tour. They don't make a living out of it but they have fun and earn some extra cash. You can send 'em your favorite pet and they will take him on a real tour from sightseeing to sightseeing in Berlin and catch pictures of them, as they were tourists. You might think that it's a stupid thing. We all can live with that. But I really think the reportage will sell on a magazine or another and I hope earning a bit money for paying the bills, the flat and the food. And I spent a great day with funny guys with a cool attitude. Send them your teddy! In the end all teddys have a huge party with beer and bio food! Rock&Roll! (maybe an idea for the Red Cross in Gaza?)
I will publish some pics as soon as they are ready :)
Today spending my time in the center I had some good insprirations for my project on the Wall! It's great not staying in front of the screen all day long.. even if I have a lot to do! Ciao

CHRIST KIDS (08.07.07)

Today I visited for the first time a Mass of a group called in a similar way as Christ Kids here in Berlin. An Idea for a new Story suggested by a photographer friend in Geneva knowing a girl working on this theme for her studies in anthropology. I think the story is pretty interesting and I wanted first to visit this kids, ask for permission and getting the feeling. The meeting for Mass was in a bar in center. I first thought beeing wrong seeing "normal" young guys preparing for a rock gig. But I was told the holy meeting was there. A few other people between 18 and 30 years walked in. A girl with long dreadlocks turned out to be the singer, and as the group began to play I was happy about the fast guitars on puck rock tempo...the girl act sexy and as I listen to words... well... prayers in mothern key came to my ears. People with no interst in punk sound were fallowing the beat headbanging fast and praying in trance... As a big guy with military pants and cherokee haircut began to speak about the bible while the music played softly on the rough instruments i suddenly became sentimental thinking on human struggle in a society where you are left on your own and no sane rituals nor beliefs exist. It is for shure not a bad thing believing in a Christ then completely self distructing yourself... I just can't believe those guys are against avortement and homosexuals and for shure they can't wait 'till marriage for sex. I will be at their festival on 26 and there I will start shooting.
Tomorrow I shoot the Teddy Tour Berlin! Shure it will be fun! Ciao