PARANOID (31.05.08)


Lost in my truck driver editing. Since days, now. My mind brought me back to school and I thought of the super-teacher motivating me never giving up during the "boxe" project. The first time I proudly showed him my reportage, after one month of shooting, he put all the prints in a box, closed it and said: now you are ready to start your project. Today I think I'm exactly at that point again: zero. Put everything in a box, take your camera and start your truckdrivers project. But how comes I got no "real" work and still no time for really taking one month and live on europe's highways. I have been a week around with this driver, fifteen days west bank, a wedding... run out of money and spent almost every minute of this last month editing stuff!!! Or preparing a still unexisting exhibition with Aglaia. Or planning my web page. Computer, computer, computer. A sense of beeing useless. A bit sad. It feels like when I went to school as a kid: what I do is enough, but never excellent. "Your son could be more, he just doesn't want...". What is it? What have I to do? Loneliness is one part of the solution I guess. But who wants to be alone? Or is there just a normal thing going on here. I guess the only thing to do is to start from zero the truck project. In black and white film?

4 comments:

  1. Hello Man,

    same shit here. I guess it is not about being alone or with someone it's just about being a broke photographer. And you know I started my city project (and nobody f... understood what I wanted to do) 5-6 years ago! Now people like it but still editing and feeling useless (see uselessphotos) and not practically getting any job out of it. So... I guess it's only about trying and doing the best we can. Most of the "great" out there started doing something after years of frustration. Some people say it takes almost 10 years to stabilize... I'm counting...

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  2. Massimiliano CluaisJune 5, 2008 at 4:21 PM

    Hi Reto, I don't have any advice for you, Giovanni said it all. I shot B&W in Thailand, met a Contrasto photographer on the way who kept telling me how useless what I was doing - and the way I was doing it - was. Then the outcome, surprising, were 4 spreads on L'Espresso. I'm not showing off, and I'm not saying we don't have to listen to advices. I'm just trying to say that if it's worth it, and you feel it is, then just do it without sparing yourself. This is the hardest part.

    All the best

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  3. Hey Reto!

    Part of being an entrepreneur is doing things before anyone thinks it is any good (and a lot of them think it is bad...).

    It is up to you to prove to the world that the things you do have a place.

    What does it mean? That sometimes you don't know if it will work any time.

    For me I take a lot of strength from the people around me, although they not always have the confidence that I have in my way.

    I think you have what it takes.

    Noam

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  4. Hey Reto,
    I'm also in the same boat. Editing to get my exhibition in november up and running.
    It can be such hard work and so overwhelming. And it somehow always feels like i'm killing of my darlings.
    But good to know you and I are not alone in this process.
    Good luck on this and keep me posted on how it's going.
    Hugs,
    Wendy

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