RETANGOLO

SHOOTING FROM THE HIPS (20.02.12)

I saw her coming from far. I was on a bridge letting my young students take pictures of the Kabul River. She saw us too, visibly perturbed by the cameras, and wanted to change sidewalk. But it mustn't be easy walking on ice, carrying a child and not seeing much from under that burka. People here don't want you to take photos of women. And I was surrounded by scarfed men I was portraying. I knew her coming and got competely focused. Pointed my camera in her direction from the height of my hips. Positioned myself in space trying to imagine the trajectory, the distance... never looking at her, and shot. Now the outcome is not exactyl how I would have done watching through the viewfinder. And that makes the image a stranger to me. As someone else took her. I look at this and I am impressed by this kind of evel sculpture, kind of floating Dark Vader... hiding nothing else than a mother carrying her child in a cold winter day. It makes me think. I wish I could have a better access to people's lives, for images about the gap between private and public here...

FAITH (17.02.12)

©Reto Albertalli/phovea 2012

Some really nice messages reached me, through and thanks to the strange universe of digital communication. On this blog, e-mailed, per skype and via shortmsg. Virtual head-up s, who do make a difference. Makes you feel alone, still, but never lonely. And you start building up some faith. Again. You desperately want to believe. Beyond religions (...). And as nothing seems to come: you know it's time to give. Stop thinking too much and just give. The rest will come by itself, I believe.

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE REAL PROBLEMS (12.02.12)

During photoschool I used to read a lot of Bukowsky's (of course). My days were interesting and I couldn't wait to live a photographer's life. A lot of things he wrote marked me at the time (of course). One was that we spend the most part of our life waiting. And waiting. All I didn't want was a waiting life. I wanted to be constantly outside, constantly stimulated. My brain sometimes seems to function like an editing program, like photoshop bridge. He chooses the good frames, changes it sequence and what a great story we can get! Or not. Today I have been so positively surprised discovering this blog has a fallower I don't personally know, form Hungary!! She wrote a comment for the first time telling fallowing retangolo since some years. Wow!! This made me visit my own blog and going back reading my own thoughts. Well that looks like a great time I've had 'til now! With it's ups and downs but constantly going for something. I think I am in the midst of another (boring) crisis. Right here in Kabul. Afghanistan is one of the names who impressed me most. I used t think of the day I will be there as life-changing. I fixed it in my thoughts as others fix goals to reach, like wealth, love etc... and I right now feel that it is so stupid. Pretty unspecific. You just got to get yourself a ticket to kabul. Step out of the plane and here you are. Or not? Am I not seeing the incredible chance anymore of having been that privileged to be here in november with the international red cross, of beeing here now in a centre working with kids and still having friends at the icrc inviting me for drinks and shower? The first time I have seen a woman in burka at the airport, and that's no joke (unfortunately haha) I felt like somebody could, in front of it's superstar. Today I don't see any exotic in it anymore. Wich is a great thing. The best of things, in fact. With the result that I am longing for next steps, setting some new and strange goals for my photography... Phisically suffering of it. Is that normal? Is this passion or just paranoia? How come that everything I achieve gets down to normal? Am I never ever satisfied? Or am I a lazy nut waiting for things jsut to happen? Or I just don't have the nuts for going for the real thing? Or do I predict things that much that I know exactly not wanting to be traumatised for a couple of handshakes and some "likes" on facebook... if ever. Or am I asking myself the wrong questions? For the first time I'm wondering if I shouldn't get myself a real job. Photography is a dying profession. It seems in the next days a swiss mag I have contact with, is sending a journalist. But taking the pics herself. Beside of this being a reflection of our times... I am here and all I am deeply longing for is an assignment in a place like this one. Moving with the red cross jeeps and taking the pictures for a magazine. Probably underpayed. Kinda just for the glory. Is that an unrealtistic dream? Putting the bar to high? I now hope having put this thoughts on the blog will keep em out of my mind. And I want my doubts to be part of this fragile trace I leave with not much attention... I also want to remember all this time waiting, and waiting...

ICE COLD (10.02.12)

Brainstorming on subjects to treat with the kids is fun. We gave them the theme "water". Everyone came up with waterfalls and lakes, wich must be the photographs people here love hanging on their livingroom's wall. Only after came drinking, washing etc... When I asked what happens to water when it's really really cold they said the water gets cold. They knew that by boiling it becomes steam. But the snow all over Kabul? A gift of God.

OUTAWINDO (07.02.12)

When I am not inside the centre's walls, I'm driven through Kabul by taxi. No idea where I am. My eyes can't get enough and I would like to record it all, knowing how much gets forgotten. So I shoot randomly out of the window. The locals with me, keep repeating I can get problems, but since I'm dying to walk the streets I can't hold myself from clicking and clicking. Waiting to get into a subject.

Yesterday we visited very shortly a refugee camp. The conditions with the cold temperatures are worse than they allready are. It's tough seeing this kids bearfeet in the snow, walking to get frozen water to bring back to the tents. It's the consequences of this war. And it's hard to take. I couldn't help but to fix it on camera as good as possible. Nothing but "deju-vu" clichés. Wich makes it even sader. I sent a selection out in the evening hoping that by publishing I could "DO" (...) something. But of course I didn't even get answers to our mails. Today we drove around demanding for permissions for a project I'd like to get done wtih my students. Can't wait to be out again.

SNOW (03.02.12)

I almost felt home this morning. I woke up late, in a warm room, in a big and fresh bed, had a little hangover headake and outside the window everything was under lots of white snow. I had a real italian coffee. Even a real hot(!) shower. This can only happen when you keep contact with friends working in ngo's here! They might invite you to dinner and give you some drinks on thursday night. Fantastic. Feel reborn. And as I arrived back to the centre by cab I found an ongoing huge snowball battle... lots of laughters, lots of fun... It's calvin and hobbes afghan version! It's kids universally.

OUTSIDE (01.02.12)

Had just time to get a coat, put my shoes on and grab my cam. A group of students were going up to the mountains surrounding Kabul. And as yesterday I was "complaining" about feeling in a cage, today I found myself suddenly on top of the world! Wonderful and what fun with the kids!!

In the afternoon I finally started my serious classes and told three girls and three boys (sort of photo dream team here) they have to take responsability for what the world gets to see of the country, and create the stories they feel they want to tell. Can't wait to hear the ideas they will come up with, tomorrow. I hope that way stepping away from the clichées, I admit wanting to capture too.

both pictures Kabul 2012 © Reto Albertalli / phovea

INSIDE (31.01.12)

Playing around with your camera, you sometimes get a nice shot. Even if it's a completely useless one. Illustrating nothing at all. Or maybe in this case a bit my actual feelings. The writing apparently says "acrobatics". Indicating an activity they do here at the MMCC centre with children. I am inside. I am with the kids not caring that much (bubble!) and I can imagine there is a world outside, but I'm not seeing it. Yet. I know this feeling from previews experiences. I am nervous. I don't know if I'll find a subject. Don't know if I will be able to shoot like I wish. To get an access. To have a different understanding of things. And I'm still waiting to start teaching photography for real. Wich should happen in days. But at the moment I am here. Waiting. Knowing there is something on the outside.

Publish Post

both pictures Kabul 2012 © Reto Albertalli / phovea

KABUL LANDING (27.01.12)

Arrived in Kabul today. It snowed. But the sun shines and the light is awesome (!!!). As the last time it's impressing, driving through by cab. I know you get used quickly to the kalashnikovs, the hummies, the burkas and the poverty... But arriving fresh is still impressing. And people here at the centre are really very very nice. It's cold in the evening. A little gas heater next to my cold bed. Allready scared thinking about the daily showers. Brrrrrrr. Now ready to hibernate for the night and tomorrow I'll meet my student kids... Think it's gonna be great here... Great feeling when everything has to be done. Everything is unknown...

EN ROUTE TO (26.01.12)

What's an online log for? Especially when you got only a couple of visitors a day... Since I'm a bit bored in my hotel room in Dubai. Since they did give me my entry visa (hurray)!!! And since I really cannot post-produce all the pics I still have to deliver, without any breaks... And since the bunch of people who cares back home are expecting a bit of sharing of this experience... I'm now deciding to bring Retangolo back to life. It's also time to turn a page and start from blank, in terms of photography. It's a time for thinking :)))

I have been through all this here in Dubai two months ago. I was much more stressed. I wasn't shure to get my entry visa (wich I wans't this time neither) and most of all my head was full of all the imagery from Afghanistan. I went basically for a workshop to some "com" people of the ICRC in Mazar-I-Sharif. A great occasion for seeing my good friend Pablo in his element. Doing his important job at the International Red Cross. Last time everything was organized. Flights. Jeeps. Accomodation. A dream experience!
I discovered Afghanistan beeing another victim of our medial distortions and remembered a contact in Kabul, a person gave me back in Palestine a couple of years ago as I was volunteering as a photo teacher (awesome period. some of my best souvenirs ever). So during a short stay in Kabul I visited this centre and proposed to come back and work with some kids on photography, multimedia and storytelling. As it often is... without really understanding how... tomorrow by this time I'll be in Kabul meeting everyone at the Afghan MMCC... I'm really excited. It's going to be a great experience. And I will put all my energy in working with the kids and of course... I need to produce a good project for myself. Wich means putting a lot of pressure on myself.
Now back to postproduction so that tomorrow I can send everything from post office here before taking off... I'm very very excited. Happy :)

GALERIE FOCALE NYON (04.09.11)

At the Galerie Focale in Nyon prints from my palestinian project where exhibited during the last three months. An experience I shared thanks to photographer Xavier Voirol, then with photographer François Shaer and awesome bw printer Aurelien Garzarolli at ACTINIC (Geneva). Revisiting the entire production for a (not even that)new editing, and the night hours inside the empty gallery (with wine and cheese) for discussing the hanging sequences, were great and precious moments, I was longing for since long. Discovering your own work with new eyes is incredible and when you go woow unpacking the prints it's just magic. Digital files become images... become real.

Then all those people being so into the stuff you are telling, about the reality in the camp. Having the chance to tell what you have experienced and what happened after you left. Really impressive. The feedbacks in the press, beeing interviewed and so on... Hoping a message gets along. Then selling prints. Seeing your work published. Seeing that it makes sense almost also in an economic way. It's really great and I am very thankful to the people who gave me this chance... Now what's next?

www.focale.ch

www.actinic.ch

www.francoisschaer.com

www.xaviervoirol.ch